Re: Coaj Coordination Thread

by **Aardvark** Wed Nov 25, 2009 9:36 pm

Evened in the grand scheme of things yes, but if you're just rolling around on the ground the physical fighter is more likely to own your ass.

by **Thing** Wed Nov 25, 2009 9:39 pm

Well, you should read my thing then.

by **Aardvark** Wed Nov 25, 2009 9:55 pm

I did, I don't see a problem.

by **Ptolemy** Wed Nov 25, 2009 10:15 pm

Aren't the repairs done? thats why they were resting right?

by **Aardvark** Thu Nov 26, 2009 12:02 am

Well major repairs are probably done, but minor stuff not a complete necessity probably still wouldn't be.

by **tRibaL** Thu Nov 26, 2009 1:36 am

nice section thing, sry that i havnt gotten my post up but im not rushing it, im also contemplating weather or not to open up a completly different side of the story...

by **Dawn_Twilight** Thu Nov 26, 2009 2:05 am

Since I may not be on a lot

Dray/Kami/Thing/Ptolemy/Aragorn

don't make dusk or jax look like complete morons, well, at least not dumb enough to press a giant red button?

by **tRibaL** Thu Nov 26, 2009 2:06 am

so glad i can make u look like a moron. > Smile

no i wont. but shouldnt my name be on that list?

by **Dawn_Twilight** Thu Nov 26, 2009 2:09 am

xzavier wrote: so glad i can make u look like a moron. > no i wont. but shouldnt my name be on that list?

It's not on there for a reason Razz

by **tRibaL** Thu Nov 26, 2009 2:11 am

not to self. make dusk press a big red button.

by **Dawn_Twilight** Thu Nov 26, 2009 2:14 am

anywho I can write something up

When is the assault on the main base gonna be xD?

I think I'll have Jax inflitrate it as a regular Protocol droid, rescue dusk, make the idiots try to convert dusk, etc?

by **tRibaL** Thu Nov 26, 2009 2:28 am

then press a big red button and blow up. Razz

by **tRibaL** Thu Nov 26, 2009 2:34 am

ok, ik i left that really effing open ended. but ill Have them not get envolved, but i can have them do missions on tatooine there untill aard gives me the OK to hop into the main plot. just dont mess wit the pplz there.

also look back to the flashback before i fought ara and the pieces will fall together.

by **Ptolemy** Thu Nov 26, 2009 4:21 am

Actually there is a different plan for Dusk. we are trying to get a reason to kill him remember? he will join and because of his ability not be brainwashed and so move up the ranks quickly.

Thats kind of the readers digest version.

by Nihil Thu Nov 26, 2009 4:58 pm

^wtf does that mean?

by **Aardvark** Thu Nov 26, 2009 8:53 pm

It means wait till the segments come out.

by **tRibaL** Thu Nov 26, 2009 9:24 pm

aard im posting again, still awaiting the OK to post to main plot.

by **Thing** Fri Nov 27, 2009 3:21 am

X, I'm sorry to say, but your stories are really confusing. You don't use proper spelling, which is as easy as right-clicking and selecting the right choice. You should really proof read, and it's hard to figure out who's speaking. Just add "said ..." (... being the person who speaks) after someone's said something. And, sometimes the story just rolls too fast, almost t "WTF is happening" speeds. Like, when they're going to Tatooine, make something to occupy the time, or add like a chapter end marker (i.e. __________ ). If you could just look over some of that stuff, you would be a great writer.

by Nihil Fri Nov 27, 2009 3:25 am

thing944 wrote:X, I'm sorry to say, but your stories are really confusing. You don't use proper spelling, which is as easy as right-clicking and selecting the right choice. You should really proof read, and it's hard to figure out who's speaking. Just add "said ..." (... being the person who speaks) after someone's said something. And, sometimes the story just rolls too fast, almost t "WTF is happening" speeds. Like, when they're going to Tatooine, make something to occupy the time, or add like a chapter end marker (i.e. __________ ). If you could just look over some of that stuff, you would be a great writer.

agreed, that is why i tell them to edit it XD

by **tRibaL** Fri Nov 27, 2009 6:36 pm

im a good writer, but fail at grammer and english, Very Happy

, why i need somebody else to proofreed/edit.
and ill look over it for ya thing.

by **tRibaL** Fri Nov 27, 2009 7:02 pm

i edited my last post, which is all it let me edit...

by **Dray The Fingerless** Sat Nov 28, 2009 12:53 pm

ur problem isnt grammar or english xav, its visual and literary graphism. you need to make ur story paused and enjoyable. meaning, u have to make the reader confortable reading it. not making him puzzle out whats written. pauses, and such. also make dialogue more abranged, less monotoned and straigth forward. so ur carachters wont sound like robots too much.

by Nihil Sat Nov 28, 2009 4:44 pm

I agree with dray for this kind of story, i guess.

In a story with fast action, you don't want to interrupt the reader with other visual details.

during slower action, or when it seems to add color, because i always like to compare music and writing to a painting XD, when you believe it is needed.

I mean keep working, even Einstein didn't get it right the first time, and painters have to plan their pictures with the utmost precision and detail. Keep working and you will get better^^ cheers

by **Dray The Fingerless** Sat Nov 28, 2009 4:52 pm

actually, ANY story, to have a degree of interest, must have a bit, even if just a bit, of immersion. otherwise, ur just reading words. visuals, complexity in characterizing and speech make that.

by Nihil Sat Nov 28, 2009 4:55 pm

Dray The Fingerless wrote:actually, ANY story, to have a degree of interest, must have a bit, even if just a bit, of immersion. otherwise, ur just reading words. visuals, complexity in characterizing and speech make that.

what do you mean there dray?

i'm just saying that the faster the pace, the less interruption with detail, or else, when the situation seems to demand, adding color to the story with more description

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