The Adventures of Span: Chapter 4 Under the Spira Sun

When Span awoke from his fitful sleep, he was immediately bombarded by a piercing pain on the sides of his temple. Placing a
palm on his forehead, Span moaned in pain and rolled to his right side. "What the hell happened, how did I end up on this space
shuttle? I remember a huge crowd pursuing me because I won that duel at the sith academy. Then a huge thing descended
upon me, its eyes piercing my soul. Before I could try to placate the beast, I felt a crack across my skull and the last thing I saw
was a man jumping from behind me to shoot the beast in the face." Gasping for breath, Span tried to stand up and get his
bearings. The shuttle room was barren, containing only a dresser, the futon bed, a desk, and a painting of two twi'leks making
out.

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"Do not be alarmed my pale friend" echoed a electronic voice laced with a snide Old Imperial (english) accent. "You were lucky to make it out of there alive, what with the whole sith academy chasing you down as well as that gundark." "Why did you save me?" Span inquired through gritted teeth, trying to stave off the pain. "Well for one, you have an extraordinary midichlorian count as well as a certain undetected essense mixed in with the midichlorians. That essense is pulsating within you, like crackling electricity." Second, I will need you for some odd jobs-" Span bursted out "I am not your errand boy you little shit, My power should not be wasted on-" "I have free booze" the mellifluous voice said placatingly over the PA system. Span's rebellious resolve slowly slipped away at the mention of free booze. "That's what I thought, now these odd jobs will be very dangerous, but
a man of your talents should be able to complete them. The last reason why I saved you was because you need training." "Bullshit, I am the strongest sith at the academy, why do I need training from you?" Span retorted. "I've seen you with a blaster; you are a piss-poor shot. Have you even played an FPS? Even though you wield the force, a man trained like me could easily get past your soresu or even better sneak up behind you and pull the trigger. Now in return for doing these jobs and keeping me...company, I will train you on how to properly shoot a blaster." Another spasm of pain wracked Span's body, but Span clenched his fist and raised his voice "Very well mr...." "Vash" the electronic voice replied.

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Span limped over to the medical bay, where a bot waited on standby. After pressing the treatment button, the bot inserted a needle into Span's pale flesh. Gritting his teeth, Span bared through the treatment and was given some pain medication to alleviate the symptoms. Span walked to the bridge to meet Vash. Span saw a tall blond haired man with sunglasses. His hair was spiked up and looked like they could gore a small nerf. Vash was clothed in a red jacket with a high collar. His jaw was metal
and a electronic vocoder was installed, which explained the electronic voice on the PA system. His one hand always laid above his blaster pistol, ready at a moment's notice. Vash walked up to him and stared straight into Span's eyes. "I heard that you are
called Span when I was getting some supplies at Korriban." "That's me!" Span remarked in a tommy wiseau accent "Oh you've seen that holoflick too?" Vash mused "Well, then you and me are going to get along just fine" Span looked over to the cockpit and wondered what course the navicomputer was set to. "Don't worry about that Span, we're aren't going to anyplace boring. I think we deserve a vacation first after you killed that sith lord. Not everyone can do that, and plus this is a good way to get to know each other." "But where exactly are we going?" Span inquired. Vash smirked and his mellifluous voice entered Span's ears "Spira."

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The Shuttle landed on Spira in one of the many resort beaches. Span stumbled out with a bottle of Captain Solo's Spices Rum in his hand. Span took a swig of the rum and shuffled forwards away from the landing ramp. "Isn't this place great Span? It'll give you a chance to get rid of that hideous pale skin of yours whitey." Vash's dulcet voice rang out from behind him. "Eyyyy the biddies love my pale skin." Span retorted slurringly. The two of them walked to the nearest hotel and checked in ("One sith apprentice and some weird guy with a gun please" "Fucking tourists" the secretary muttered). After placing their bags in the room, the two got dressed for a day on Spira's sun-kissed beaches. Span opened the door and broke out into a stumbling run towards the beach, shouting "I GOT A LITTLE CAPTAIN IN ME". Vash hurried to keep up with Span as the two emerged from the
boardwalk. The beach looked truly beautiful; the waters a cool crystal blue. The sandy beach glistened in the sun and was not coarse and rough like on Korriban, but smooth to the touch. Span was clad in his red bathing suit, which freaked out many people due to him being so pale. Vash chuckled "Looks like it's time to party" Just as the two took their first steps on the beach a loud commotion arose a few yards away.

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A holofilm played blaringly loud and introduced 7 rodians or as they liked to be called..."greedos"

DJ REELO G: A small, squat Rodian clad in a wife-beater with a wig was spiked up in a ridiculous manner

Snooki: A half hutt-half rodian creature with a long tongue and fake human wig. Why such two creatures would wait is beyond

the reasoning of Span and most of the known galaxy. In the holofilm clip, Snooki was failing to dance and shouted "I'm going to

SPIRA SHORE BITCH!"

Meelo: A huge rodian with muscles bulging out of a wife-beater. Meelo is particularly popular and goes by the nickname "the

Scenario"

Sereedo: A rodian with a fake human wig and unwarranted self-importance. She claimed in the holofilm to be "the sweetest alien

queen bitch you'll ever meet." Span thought that was incongruous.

Roonie: A huge rodian with pecs bursting his shirt open. Roonie started laughing in the clip and looked particularly dumb.

Jeedo: A rodian female with a wig, she also goes by the nickname of JeeWOW. She stated that "After I shoot a guy first, I will rip

their heads off" Clearly a role model for rodians everywhere.

Vinnchello: A rodian who seemed like a normal rodian who looks after his mother. In the clip he started shouting "GO VINNY GO

VINNY"

"What the hell is this?" Span shouted. "It's called Spira Shore Span. It's a holofilm series which depicts the lives of young rodians
on the beach of Spira" "But who watches this shit?" Span wondered "Um Span, you probably shouldn't of said that." Vash
muttered. He was right for just walking in front of them in time to hear Span were the Spira Shore cast members.

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The Spira Shore cast turned to face Span and Vash. "THERMAL DETONATER WHISTLE" shouted out Meelo "EYY FUCK YOU MANG YOU BANTHA POODOO!" yelled JeeWOW. The Spira Shore cast stared straight at Span who replied in a mocking tone"oh no a bunch of greedos..whatever shall I do?!" DJ Reelo stepped up and said "Perhaps you haven't heard of me." Just then he busted out a boombox. The boombox started to blare annoying electronic music which Span had to clench his fists to avoid causing a scene. DJ Reelo G's voice emanated from the boombox in a few seconds. "I'm DJ Reelo G. Being a Greedo is a way of life. I don't represent all Rodians, I represent myself. I started this whole GTL shit. Gun Thug and Laundry. Gotta stay fresh to DEATH! BEAT THAT BEAT UP! BEAT THAT BEAT UP! BEAT THAT BEAT UP-" Suddenly Span could resist no longer and brought his foot down on the boombox, destroying it. "What a mediocre song" Span muttered. DJ REELO G started cursing even more at Span, who decided to end his protestations once and for all. Span made a slash while igniting his lightsaber, cutting DJ Reelo G's head off. "Is that how you beat that beat up" Span mocked?

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Roonie stared at the lightsaber and then at his friend DJ Reelo. "You just done it now Span" muttered Vash. Roonie worked himself into a rage and started punching his chest. "YO COME AT ME BRO! YOU COME AT ME BRO. YOU PANSY SHIT. COME AT ME BRO. COME AT ME BRO!" Sereedo tried to hold Roonie back but Roonie punched the rodian right in the face. Span turned off his
lightsaber and launched his right fist at Roonie. It connected directly on Roonie's jaw. The huge rodian staggered back and went into a gorilla charge with all the subtlety of a rancor. Span dodged the charge and brought his leg into a roundhouse kick position. Span released his leg forward and it connected right into Roonie's chest. Roonie, realizing how dumb he is whipped his
arm around, slugging Span right in the head. "NOT THE HEAD AGAIN!" Span screamed in pain. Roonie launched another punch into Span's stomach, and Span crumpled to the ground. Span fingered for his Captain Solo Rum flask that he previously put away and took a swig. Back up on his feet, the inebriation told him to connect with a right hook, then a jab, then uppercut. Span immediately launched into those moves and finally brought his knee into Roonie's jaw. Roonie shrugged off all these hits due to his advanced musculature and roared. Span jumped high in the air and launched himself in a downward kick to finish off Roonie. Roonie yelled "COME AT ME BRO" and prepared himself. "Well that's kinda what I'm doing" Span said. Before the kick connected, Vash shot Roonie in the back of his head and the huge rodian crumpled face down in the sand. "That was starting to get annoying" Vash murmured.

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Sereedo immediately started crying once her bf died and Span mercifully killed her with one stab of his lightsaber. "You know what they say, lovers that cry together die together" Span mused. "Too soon Span" Vash reproached. The rest of the Spira Shore cast stared at the bodies of their cast mates. Meelo stepped up and brought a vibroblade out from a scabbard on his back. "Looks like we got ourselves a Scenario" Span initiated a downward slash to cut the rodian down in the middle. Meelo shuffled back and sliced horizontally at Span. Span tried to deflect the blade, but Meelo was simply too strong and moved the blade down, hitting Span in the shoulder. Blood gashed from Span as he jumped back and charged again. Meelo jumped and kicked span forcefully in the face; Span reeled from the impact and fell face down on the sand. Stumbling back up and spitting bloody sand from his mouth, Span made one last slash at Meelo. Meelo parried and thrusted his blade downward into Span's shoulder. The pain was unbearable, Span could not move as pain wracked his body. Meelo "the Scenario" taunted Span "Fucking Thermal Detonators cannot mess with Greedo Jesus in the flesh baby." Pulling from his force reserves, Span casted force lightning at Meelo. Meelo's mouth opened in shock as the electricity lapped over Meelo's body. Span got up and with the last of his strength plunged the sword into Meelo's chest. Meelo muttered something about the Scenario changing for the worst and then gasped. Meelo fell backwards onto the bloody sand.

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Now the only rodians that were standing were Snooki, JeeWOW, and Vinnchello. Snooki was not paying attention and started talking about musclebound greedos and how she wanted to sleep with them. JeeWOW stepped forward towards Span, prepared to launch a kick at him. "I can't defend myself, I'm bleeding out and need to go to the hospital fast." Span thought. Just as JeeWOW was about to bring her foot to crush Span's head, Vash stepped in to shoot her in the back of the skull. Span watched as Vash quickly shot Snooki in the face after she continued to talk about muscly greedos. Vinnchello looked at all his dead comrades and shrugged. "Eh I didn't really care about them to be honest. They were all idiots, seriously why didn't they all attack instead of just try to kill you guys one by one. I am here for shits and giggles. Anyways, I don't want to mess with you guys and I'll head out now." Vinnchello wandered away casually. 3 yards of the beach was covered in blood as tourists were screaming and
running from the scene. Vash walked up to Span "Let's get you to a hospital, and I thought this was going to be a normal vacation" Vash lifted Span up, Span immediately collapsed onto Vash's shoulder as they walked to the nearest hospital. "Fucking Greedos." Span muttered as he passed out.

CHAPTER 5: SPIRA TWO ELECTRIC BUGALOO!

Span opened his eyes to find himself in a bacta tank. The bacta was at work knitting Span's cuts and scars he had received from the brawl. The muscle tissue that Meelo had cut from his shoulder was being regenerated by the gelatinous goo. Beyond the glass, Vash was watching Span. "Looks like you're recovering, you've been asleep for 3 days Span. It's a shame, we missed 3 days of partying due to your shenanigans." Span looked at his feet; he could not bear to look at Vash in the eye. Vash turned to the medical droid over at the bacta controls and began to speak to it. "How long will it be for my friend to make a full recover?" "About 3 more days should be sufficient. However, he should avoid moving his right arm too much. His right shoulder suffered moderate damage from the Rodian's thrust, it almost cut off the arm. Luckily, the bacta should regenerate all the tendons and ligaments damaged, but it'll take some time to adjust to the way it was before." Vash nodded and turned to Span "Alright 3 days before your training commences scrub." Vash walked out and the metal door slid shut. Now only the whirring of cogs and the clicks of the droid's typing permeated the room.

A Loud commotion startled Span from his sleep. Had it been three days already Span thought as his mind raced, trying to comprehend what is happening. A man in Jedi Master robes silently walked into the room and peered at Span. A jedi? here...oh shit I'm not in any shape to fight him off. Not only that but he's a master, I bet he found out who I am and wants to finish me off Span winced and spoke with a cruel voice. "What do you want you pansy, come to finish off a Sith who hasn't even the strength to lift up a blade. Well what are you waiting for? Do it, I bet when you get back to the temple you can claim how you bested the great Captain Jack Spanish in a fight to be recounted for ages." The Jedi stepped closer, the light of the bacta tank illuminating his features. The Jedi was not a man to be trifled with, his muscles were bulging out of his robes, his dark brown eyes shined with an inquisitive light. His face was roundish, like a circle but unfeeling like stone. To complete the look, he had a beard neatly trimmed and black like obsidian. The Jedi looked at Span and bursted out laughing. "Hahahha. I knew that from the first moment I laid eyes on you, you'd be a son of a bitch. Don't worry, I'm not here to kill you...well unless you try to kill me first. Allow me to introduce myself, I am a Jedi Battlemaster called Champion. I come from an academy that is different from any other academy in the galaxy. It's where Sith and Jedi gather to train one another and live in harmony...well almost harmony. For short, this academy is called SNJ and Smullihc is the headmaster." "Champion, I really don't care about your life story and all. Why are you telling me all this pointless drivel?" "Well I saw you fight the Spira Shore cast members, you show a lot of promise. Hell you could even be a Dark Lord. I wanted to ask you if you wanted to join a new academy I was going to start. See, me and Smullihc we don't get along too well anymore and I need members like you to give our academy a level of legitimacy." "Well, Champion, I don't know if I should join. There is a lot of sights to see in this galaxy. There is so much training that I need if I am to become the Dark Lord of all the Siths in the land. Also, I love to be a freelance mercenary in wars, one could amass a fortune of credits. If I join your academy, there will not be any credits and I have limited myself to serve others UGH." Champion laughed heartily once Span finished speaking and shrugged his shoulders "I figured you would say that, but I just wanted you to hear my offer. It'll be standing whenever you want to join." Champion turned and walked away. But as he entered the door, he took one last look at Span "see you later 'Great Captain Spanish'" his laughter echoed across the hall as the door slid shut. Once again, darkness greeted Span.

Span hobbled out of the hospital and gulped large breaths of salty air. The sun was high in the sky and the rolling waves crashed on the silky smooth sands of Spira. Vash was waiting outside and approached Span. "Here's your blaster Span." he smirked as he handed him a L'il DL-44 for kids toy blaster. "What the fuck Vash, this isn't funny, I can't even fire with my right arm" Span pouted. "Before one can run, one must first learn how to walk. Also, you'll work on your less dominant hand and become ambidextrous" Vash said"You sound like a damn Jedi Vash." Vash grinned at Span and motioned to an island nearby, "That is where the training will take place." "You're saying I have to swim there? I just got out of the hospital Vash." "It'll be good for you come on"

The swim was unbearable, Span's shoulders ached as he cut through the water. The saltwater entered his throat, making Span gag and sink beneath the turquoise water. Vash pulled him back up and pushed him forward "Just keep Swimming, just keep swimming, just keep swimming." "Finding Nemo's old" "you're old". Span finally reached the island and collapsed on the sand. Vash walked up behind him and pulled Span onto his feet. "Are you ready for your training?" "Yes, I am ready" Span spoke. "What is a man, a miserable pile of secrets. But a blaster is a pile of awesomeness. Now, proper aim can not be innately gained, it must be developed. Even with good marksmanship, if you're not a fast draw, you'll be perforated with blaster holes." Vash went to a palm tree and drew a bullseye. "The secret to good aim is a clear mind, focused and sharper than a vibroblade's edge. Just think of the target and where exactly you want to shoot. Keep in mind, headshots are not always the best places to place a bullet, sometimes a clean shot to the patella can save your life." Span tried to empty his mind of distractions, a hard feat to do because of the dark side pulling his emotions. Span fired and hit right of the bullseye. "not bad, now only 999 shots to go"

Span's left arm ached as the recoil of the lil DL-44 hit him. The shots were steadily becoming less accurate and it was a wonder that he could even hit the tree. Vash observed Span the whole time, occasionally straightening Span's tiring arm. Span could hear the Spira birds cawing and the waves gurgling when the water hits the beach. In time, the sun slowly went down and darkness fell. Vash lit a fire so Span could still see where to shoot. Finally, 1000 shots were fired at the tree and Span breathed a sigh of relief. "Not bad for your first day eh Span now let's go home and slee-" Just then a loud voice cut through the air like a rykk blade. "It's T-shirt Time!!!!!!" Span groaned "oh god dammit" and turned to see two buff rodians with vibroswords and guns pointing at him. It was Roonie and Meelo, sporting t-beaters and bathing suits. "Looks like this is a bad scenario for you brudda" Meelo laughed. "How the hell are you guys still alive?" "It'll take a whole lot more to keep this Greedo down youknowwhatI'msayin" Meelo responded. "Span take this" Vash shouted as he gave Span a stimpack. Span immediately injected it into his tiring left arm. The adrenaline in the stimpack coursed through his veins as Span raised the lil DL-44 and fired. The shot hit Roonie square in the chest and knocked him flat on his feet. Luckily for Span, his lightsaber was still on his person, hooked onto his belt. Span ignited the blade and brought it down in a fierce effort to shut up Roonie. Roonie, being the idiot he is, brought his left fist up and tried to punch the lightsaber blade. "Lightsabers are pussies compared to a true Greedo muscle." Immediately, Roonie recoiled as his hand flew in the air. "Wow...you're kind of dumb." Span muttered. Roonie launched a kick at Span who blocked the kick with his saber. Screaming in pain from the saber burns, Roonie jumps from his back and with his remaining right hand forms a fist. Roonie launches a right hook, hoping to flatten Span. Span ducks the hook at the last second, the air whistling past his ears. With one slice, Roonie's other hand was chopped off. Roonie still didn't want to admit defeat. He bellowed once more "COME AT ME BRO!! COME AT ME BRO!" Span sighed and thrust the blade into his neck. Roonie gurgled and spit out blood as the lightsaber burned his throat. Roonie's eyes widened one last time as he tried to say "Om a me bro" as he collapsed, finally dead.

Meelo tried a different tactic. While Span was busy fighting Roonie, Meelo got out his vibroblade and attacked Vash with a right horizontal slash. Vash dodged immediately backwards and took a pot shot at Meelo, hitting his right shoulder. Incensed, Meelo launched a thrust kick to the pelvis. Vash jumped on the leg and flipped over Meelo kicking him in the head. Knocked to his knees from the blow, Meelo made another horizontal slash at vash's head. Vash ducked from the blow and brought his pistol to Meelo's stomach. Vash fired and to his disbelief, Meelo laughed. "I got Double Durasteel plated Abs bitch. After I first fought you Thermal Detonators, I went back to the shop to get me these. Now these right here, you can't penetrate."

Span deignited his lightsaber and ran into the forest. Pulling out the Lil DL-44 Span thought of his options There is no way I can fight Toe to Toe with this guy in my current state. My force reserves are too low and need to recover still. My swordship still can't beat Meelo's yet, and finally...the stimpack is going to wear off soon. I have about two more minutes until all the energy I have is depleted. Span saw Meelo talking to Vash and laughing. Vash brought his pistol up to shoot Meelo in the head, but Meelo laughed and grabbed Vash. Vash's shot barely missed and took off Meelo's ear. Enraged, Meelo lifted Vash a foot off the ground with one hand and choked him. Span could head Vash's electronic gagging as his airways were constricted I have to do this now or Vash is dead. Span broke out into a run at Meelo, concealed by the darkness. Meelo turned his head, but it was too late. Span brought the lil DL-44 up and emptied his mind. The only thing he concentrated on was hitting the target. His heartrate was coursing as Span fired the DL-44. The Blaster bolt hit Meelo square on in the head. Span was only 3 feet away. The bolt knocked Meelo 6 feet away. A resounding thump hit the sand as Meelo was knocked unconscious. "Span" a croak emanated from Vash. "We need to get out of here now!!" "But we have to finish Meelo off." Span bellowed. "Meelo has connections to Nar Shadaa, we'd be foolish to kill him off now. We also need to recover and train more and I know a better place." Span nodded and they rushed off into the ocean, swimming into the darkness of Spira.